Guest Post by David Tackett, My First Trip To Chemo!

My first trip to the chemo room…The day has finally gotten here.  If you are like me, I woke up at 2:30am, nervious, scared, but feeling strong .  I had been given steriods to take at bedtime and more to take when I got up.

I was told the first treatment would take 4 to 4 ½ hours to complete.  The 2^nd treatment may take less time because they can drip it in at a faster rate. 

During the first hour of the first treatment there will be several medical workers or nurses keeping an eye on you to see if you are going to have an allergic reation.

I asked, “If I do have an allergic reaction, then what happens?  Is there a different form of treatment that we go to?” 

The nurse said, “No, this chemo is going in you.  We may have to slow it down but reaction or not, the chemo will be in you before you leave the chair.” 

I said,”Hmm, what kind of a reaction are you looking for?”

The nurse said, “Your face will turn red and you will get short of breath.”  I said, “That’s not good because I get red faced and short of breath at least once a day even without chemo!”

I didn’t have a reaction so I can’t help you there but I can tell you that on my first trip in, I had an I-Pod, lap top, books, bottled water, snacks, cell phone, a movie to watch on my I-Pod, a pillow, and blanket.

For those of you that have raised children, it looked like I was heading off to summer camp, the back seat of the car was full!

By the time I got to the infusion room at the hospital, I had narrowed down my supplies to a notebook and pen, I-Pod, book, and bottle water. I put these items in my backpack and away I went.

dtackett@farmersagent.com

David is wonderful friend and supporter of The Living Through Faith Foundation and you can find David hard at work for you at Farmers Insurance in Hot Springs, AR.

Bill K.

Guest Author "Jeff Howard Silverman" my best friend!!!

How Cancer Has Affected My Life

Up until 1977 I never really thought too much about cancer. Cancer was something that happened to somebody else, to someone else's family, but in August of that year my paternal grandfather died from lung cancer. A few years later the same type of cancer took his wife, my grandmother. He was a lifelong smoker but she never lit up a day in her life, so if there are people who still don't believe that second hand smoke kills they can come talk to me. Just four years ago my father beat bladder cancer because it was diagnosed early. His sister, my aunt, had a masectomy around the time we lost grandpa Silverman. My mom's sister died in 2003 from liver cancer. That's just my family.
Two years ago I lost a very old, very dear friend and one of the best musicians I ever knew personally, Jack Trevino. Jack was a year younger than me and that one really got my attention. My dear friend Keri Butera had surgery for breast cancer four years ago and just this past week she had some new tests run that came back with questionable results and I keep her in my prayers and my thoughts every day. Last year I lost one of the great people to ever grace my life, Toby Meservey. Toby went to the doctor with just some stomach pain and it turned out he had a mass in his colon the size of a baseball. He was gone less then three months later. What doesn't seem to compute is the reality of the people my own age, the friends I spent the better days of my youth with who have fallen victim to cancer and now it's happening again and I am at a loss as to how to deal with it.

Bill Karabinus was diagnosed a year ago with pancreatic cancer. Bill has been my friend for over forty years and we've seen the up's and the down's, we've been through the thick and the thin together as friends and brothers. The reality of male friendship is a much more complicated thing than some people may want to believe because as men we're not supposed to show too much, we're not supposed to feeltoo much. As men we're always supposed to keep that chin up, to be able to smack our buddy on the shoulder as if to say, "Man, this is just a speed bump in your life, it's nothing to worry about." But in all honesty I'm feeling very helpless right now. Bill and I have talked a lot lately about fear and hope and the future. I do fear real well. Hope and the future are things I have to work on. He lives in Arkansas and I'm in Nevada and that's one of the hardest things to deal with, being so far away. But even when we were kids there was always an inner-strength to Bill that he's never lost even in the face of such a devistating diagnosis. I could use the well worn saying that he's "battling cancer" but that wouldn't exactly cover the reality of his day to day odyssey as I see it. It's not easy to explain but what I hear in his voice isn't a man who's fighting anything, but rather someone who's already beat that monster that is growing inside of him. I usually try and steer the converstation back to the 1970's when we were doing our best hanging out because if I talk too much about it then it becomes my reality and some days I'm just not equipped to handle the health of my friend. But you know what he does? Like the bad-ass he was when we were kids he just grabs that monster by it's horns and says, "Not this time, not this man."

It would be easy for anyone in Bill's position to just give up. With every round of chemotherapy it takes him longer to bounce back because those caustic chemicals are taking their toll, but when he talks about it he only describes what's happening to him physically. He refuses to fall into the familiar "Wo is me" mentality because Bill has something that I need to work on in my own life. He has hope. He isn't letting the fear that would bring another man to his knees get the better of him because he's stronger than that, and in turn that allows me to deal with my own fear and pain of knowing that man I dearly love is in pain. And knowing there's nothing I can do for him except to be his friend, to be a soulmate in the truest sense of the word and to always be there for him.

Fear is a terrible thing to live with. Sometimes what scares me are the things I already know, but most of the time it's the unknown that invades my dreams at night. Some days I want to lash out and curse God for allowing this to happen to my pal but thankfully Bill's faith is stronger than mine and that's where the hope comes in. I always have to keep this in sight because if I don't, then all that's left is the fear and I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen.

The two of us wearing raincoats, standing so low
In the sun
You and me burning matches, lifting latches
On our way home
We're on our way home, we're on our way home
We're going home
You and I have memories
Longer than the road that stretches out ahead...

I love you, my friend.

Jeff Silverman has been my best friend for over 40 years, from way back in elementary school. Though we do not agree with everything we each live for or believe in we have shared a mutual respect that defies human relationships. No matter what the future holds I will always know that Jeff is in my corner and if anyone ever needs a friend you could circle the universe and never find a better man or better friend.

Jeff is currently the caregiver for his own parents as they fight age and infirmity, he lives in Las Vegas Nevada….

Becoming a Caregiver.... Is it a job or is it a Calling?

I remember back in 1997 my mother came over to the house and dropped off some groceries (she was always doing this) and told me that we needed to talk. After we had settled into a couple of recliners she told me, “I saw the doctor today and was told that I have lung cancer.” It was just like that, straight faced with no noticeable despair nothing. Me I just kind of stared at her wondering just what the hell she could possibly be talking about, CANCER? Who? After about a solid minute my mind “kind of” adjusted to what she had just dropped on me and my first question was, “ok, what do we do?” She told me that she planned on doing the radiation/chemo thing and that it was going to be pretty bad but somehow we would get through and there was really nothing that could be done about it at this point anyways. Well that was my mother, a fighter and a friend. Well she continued to work until February 1999 and she, after well over a year had to lay it down and retire, she was 69 years old.

In February when she retired she came to me and asked if I would move back to Little Rock, live in their guesthouse and help take care of her. They would have to pay for it anyways and she said she would rather have me than a stranger. So of course I said yes (what the hell could I say) and put my business plans on hold and moved back to Little Rock. Well saying yes to becoming a caregiver to someone with cancer is no easy task but at the time I had not thought about it. And so it went….. I did the grocery shopping, took her back and forth to the doctor and simply took care of the house just like she would have no big deal right? 

Well it wasn’t, not at first, but after about 30–45 days she started to become weaker by the day. She would not eat and in-fact when she did it would only be Stouffer’s Lasagna. She would drink her Boost to retain vitamins and such but you could tell that weight loss was going to be an issue and it would be happening fast.  By April we had to have a hospital bed brought in so that she could sit up comfortably and still make an effort to feed herself. She began to become very unsteady on her feet and needed help in getting around, going to the bathroom and just navigating her own home. We got a wheelchair and that helped some but she of course she could not maneuver it herself so she had to be pushed around the house back and forth to the kitchen, living room and bedroom. Each of which she could not stay in very long because she would become fatigued. I had started a garden in the backyard, a yearly ritual that had gone on for years and she loved to go outside and sit and just look. She would point out things she wanted done and I would work while she watched just enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. These are the best of my memories of that time because she loved it so.

By July the 4^th holiday the family had decided to have a get together at the house so that we could all enjoy a last time with us all together and my Aunt Sue (my mother’s sister) flew in from CA. We ended up with about 25-30 people there and I sort of stayed in the background just organizing things and watching. My mother enjoyed all the attention she was getting and was just soaking it all up. I was very, very happy for her but I could see the toll it was taking and how tired she was becoming.  She did not eat dinner with us that evening as she was tired but she did come out for the kids fireworks show and mother just smiled, laughed and clapped her hands like a child herself. I believe that was probably the best day she had had in many years and I too was overjoyed simply at the sight of her happiness although by this time I was stressed from the day and worried that she would end up in the hospital from all the excitement! Well she did not and the next day she was just fine. She and Aunt Sue went out to the old home place the next day with Sue pushing her around in the wheel chair. The drove out to the house and looked around at all the changes that had taken place over the years and at the neighborhood that had sprung up where my grandfather’s farmland used to be. They went to the cemetery where the family is buried and spent time sprucing up the graves. Again, she had a great time with me left home alone worried to death. It was a very interesting experience for me that day and a kind of a preview of would come about the following October….. I had not been alone in a long, long time.

Well by the time that week ended we were all tired and to top it off my stepfather decided that he could not deal with it anymore and had me switch places with him. He moved into the guest house and I moved into the spare bedroom in the main house. This room came equipped with a baby monitor so I could hear mother during the night in case she needed something so my role became a 24 hour a day caregiver. Now I have to tell some truths here at this point because I am sure that by now you have realized that my stepfather and I did not share a really close relationship at all. Sometimes I could barely stand being in the same room with him so when he bailed out at this stage of my mother’s life I was greatly pissed off and there was no turning back…..  But you know what? Life went on and I guess we were actually better off. Don, the stepfather stopped coming home in the evening and would stay at work until 10 or 11 o’clock at night and we never saw him. He did though surprise me one day in late July by bringing in a lady from Baptist Hospice to help out. Well I was all for it, a great idea! On the other hand, mother was not… She DID NOT want a strange woman in her house washing clothes, rummaging around in the cabinets, blah, blah, blah… We went through about a half dozen women before we found one that would not get fed up and quit. Oh my mother drove them and talked bad to them and just made their 4 hours a day with us unbearable. So we did find a keeper and she was a great help to me. She did the washing and kept mother bathed. Took her around the house and just entertained her for the half day she was there. I too was happy because I had some time to myself again where I could go out and get some personal things done. It was pretty good. August 16^th came along and mother turned 70 and we had a little party with just us and all was great but by the first of September you could tell that mother had had just about enough. Her appetite was gone and we had to start feeding her through a tube. She had to be catheterized and was now bedridden 24/7. I too was nearing my wits end and found myself getting mad over things that were simple before. The lady from hospice brought me a book that would prove to be my most valuable tool in the end but at first I rejected it simply because of the title; “My Mother is Dying.” I hated looking at that book and thought it was full of crap. NONE of the things this book described would ever happen to us so I found it useless. About three weeks later I found this to be untrue. My mother started talking about people being in the room with her and she went on and on about nothing. She paid no attention to anything I said and would not eat at all or drink her Boost. One thing that did get my attention though was that she kept pointing to the corner across the room and she would smile and just rave about the beautiful woman and her beautiful baby. It would take me a while to understand this but I was fascinated.

Well October arrived and she was now completely out of it. She just laid there and I would come into her room and sponge out her mouth every 30 minutes or so and make sure I pushed the button on the medication machine.  I did not want her to suffer at all so we had oxygen and morphine set up going 24 hours a day and on the night/early morning of October 12^th she passed away. I had just been in there sponging out her mouth and it seemed as though she was looking at me intently out of her one eye that was left working. I went into the kitchen and made a sandwich and got a coke and prepared to settle down in the living room to watch a movie. I felt a strange tug at my heart so I went back in the room and she had gone. Well I just stood there a moment not really thinking of anything, just looking at her. I then closed her eyes and told her that I loved her and that I was so very proud of her, she had fought the good fight and ran the great race. After they took her away to the funeral home I just sat there and for the first time in my life I felt alone… It did not last very long but the feeling was terrible. I would spend the next week or so wandering around that empty house feeling very strange but finally the thought occurred to me that the woman and the beautiful baby she kept seeing in the corner across the room were the Blessed Virgin and the Child Jesus. I know this to be true in my heart and nobody can ever take this from me. It was then that I realized that I was not alone in that empty house, God was with me….

Being a caregiver and experiencing death with someone is a very intimate thing. It is very difficult but I would not change anything that happened back in 99’. This time in my life I think, was for me the time when I learned about true love.

 True unconditional love

May God bless you all and may He bless our memories. They are a part of us and be them good or bad it is what we are…

Bill K.

January 21, 2012

Guest Author, David Tackett sharing HIS Journey down that Long, Dark Road.

My first thought about my throat cancer was that I had a popcorn

hull stuck in my throat. I tried clearing my throat repeatedly, eating

crackers in an attempt to dislodge it but I could never get rid of it. I would try a

few times a day but of course the feeling that something was in my

throat was always there.

This was taking place at the same time that my sister-in-law Kathy

was dying from cancer. I never heard Kathy say that she had

cancer. She would always say that the doctors weren’t certain

what was wrong even though she was undergoing chemo treatments.

I never knew why she wouldn’t face her killer head on but she never did. The daily

conversations about Kathy always included tidbits about cancer

and paying attention to your body. After a few weeks I started

thinking that this thing in my throat, this invader may not be a popcorn husk at

all,,, but, what if it’s cancer?

That was when I came to the conclusion that I had something

inside of me that had only one goal. That goal was to kill me. I

knew I had to kill it before it was too late.

At the time I had no idea how difficult this battle would become but I indeed found out.

I’m David Tackett, a stage 3 throat/tongue cancer survivor. My last treatment was mid

2007.

Sincerely,

David T.

2012

David is wonderful new friend and supporter of The Living Through Faith Foundation and you can find Davis hard at work for Farmers Insurance in Hot Springs, AR.

Bill K.

Another New Beginning and a Fresh Start for Something New…

Hello my friends, how are you doing? I hope all is going well for you in this New Year and that you are busy making your dreams come true…

I am happy to report that I am now past the one-year mark with my cancer and I am doing just great! I just visited with my cardiologist and he even remarked that he was amazed at how well I am doing & how well I look for having stage 4 pancreatic cancer and dealing with it after a full year. I replied saying that it was not I who have done this but God responding to my faith. You see, I gave up, gave over to Him my fears and sorrows and allowed Him to take control of my life and this of course has truly set me free to go about my business without looking back.  Well in the midst of all of this a woman who works with cancer patients asked me to write a guest post for her blog sharing how I have overcome my fears and have gotten on with my life. So it was this that began another journey for me, a journey of hope where I can share my experiences and my faith with other who are terminally ill in hopes that they too can follow on my path to wellness.  Well through a friend, Wes Schaeffer an idea was born, a way to help others like myself with hope…..

The Living Through Faith Foundation was born of this idea and I would like for you to become a part of it. This foundation is designed to bring wellness through Help and Hope for Those Dealing With Terminal Illness.  You can help us in many ways by donating old/used office stuff, paper, toner, envelopes and stamps. I am attempting to partner with HP, Dell, Microsoft and the many drug manufacturers who’s products have brought me this far. If at all possible we would like to receive cash donations of any amount, small or whatever and I promise you will be remembered in our prayers, on my blogs and on my website.

Please take time to pray about this and if you can, support us in this endeavor, this ministry. Fear is a terrible thing but the many that suffer from these fears need not to because the Lord is there to guide and guard us along the way.

Please take time to visit our website and our blogs and I pray you make a decision to help out.

Sincerely in Christ Jesus,

William (Bill) Karabinus

dba WK Enterprises

402 Mockingbird Lane #5

Cabot, AR 72023

Phone: 501-628-1824

Email: wdkarabinus@gmail.com

http://wkenterprises.webs.com/

http://wdkarabinus.wordpress.com/

http://wdkarabinus.blogspot.com/

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