Saturday, August 20, 2011
Caring Bridge
You can also follow me on this site if you wish and again, I welcome you and any comments you wish to share.....
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/billkarabinus
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/billkarabinus
Friday, August 19, 2011
Taunted by Nothing.....
Well hello again, its been a long time!!
I moved to Cabot, AR in July after an amazing spring which opened many new doors for me and as always, closed a few as well. I am now in a relationship with the most beautiful woman I have ever known and I pray this relationship is blessed by all that is Holy. Her name is Suzanne and she is from here in Cabot where I believe I have found the peace I am looking for. I have a new home parish, St. Jude the Apostle in Jacksonville and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend an hour with my new pastor, Fr. Andy Smith yesterday and I must say that I have never been more relaxed. I spoke with him about my move here and the beginning of the new chapter in my life and he made some very powerful suggestions that I hope to put into action as time permits.
As you can guess, the cancer is still with me but I must say that its very quiet right now. I cannot say that I understand why but hey, who am I to argue with my own feelings? I did go through chemo again a couple of months ago and it was the most terrible thing that has ever happened to me. It was about the third day after the treatment that I became very ill and truly believed it to be the damn end or very close to it. It took about a month to fully recover from this and I am very hesitant to go through it again although Suzanne is very worried that I am ignoring the issue and thus compounding the problem. In truth all I can say is that I am very afraid that if I go through this again I may not have the strength to bounce back and will begin a decline that may well take me beyond the veil which is not where I wish to go at this time!! Hang in there with me Suzanne my darling and I promise it will be ok!!
Well it seems that I am 100% retired now or at least for the moment. I did try going back to work with a friend but you know how these things turn out, they don't and it was short lived. I will though continue to pursue something part time as my illness allows but right now things don't look well. In-fact, there are many things in my life that are still closed off to me because of my past and sometimes it seems that the harder I try to overcome them the more they seem to taunt me. I have spent three years now "giving it time" and with this illness in my life it feels like time is something that I don't have. I cannot say that I feel really rushed to get things done but it is very frustrating now when I hit these brick walls that seem so impenetrable. I wish so badly that I could turn some things around but when I face this I understand that if things were changed I would not have the things in my life that are so dear to me now so I must continue to make the best of it and overcome the obstacles that I can and simply forget about the rest. Yea right, easier said than done!!!
Something else that has taken on a fresh new life is the story of my daughter Alisha. She did get her divorce and she has moved on but I can truly say that when she does something she does it well!!! She has since remarried and her husband Terry is as fine a man as you can come across these days. Alisha, Terry and Jack have moved to Indiana where Alisha is pursuing her masters and is now teaching as well. She is not only doing well but she is doing it at Purdue!!!! Now how can you get any better than that? Ha, you cant! My grandson Jack is growing up as well and I see a very fine young man coming into being and I have to say that as always, I am very impressed my his intelligence... He of course gets this from me and we all know this so NO wisecracks or dumbass grandpa jokes! Naw, all seems to be going real well for Alisha right now and she has launched her own literary magazine, "Revolution House" and you can find it on the web. Hell you might even want to send her a story or two and you can be sure that you are in good hands. After all, it is my child so she is of course a genius! Good luck to you Alisha and I know you will make the entire family proud in all that you do!!
Now as I close this entry out I must say thank you to my friend Jeff who, whether he knows it or not makes a big difference in my life. Its amazing how much it matters having a friend that you know you can turn to and will not let you down. Hang in there with me Jeff, I know its hard sometimes with my sarcastic attitude and my blabbering but in the end I know all will be well!!!! We do have to get together soon though one way or another as time may be indeed short and I wish our visit together to be under the very best of circumstances.
Well adios for now and may everyone enjoy every moment that life throws their way!
God bless!!!!
I moved to Cabot, AR in July after an amazing spring which opened many new doors for me and as always, closed a few as well. I am now in a relationship with the most beautiful woman I have ever known and I pray this relationship is blessed by all that is Holy. Her name is Suzanne and she is from here in Cabot where I believe I have found the peace I am looking for. I have a new home parish, St. Jude the Apostle in Jacksonville and I had the wonderful opportunity to spend an hour with my new pastor, Fr. Andy Smith yesterday and I must say that I have never been more relaxed. I spoke with him about my move here and the beginning of the new chapter in my life and he made some very powerful suggestions that I hope to put into action as time permits.
As you can guess, the cancer is still with me but I must say that its very quiet right now. I cannot say that I understand why but hey, who am I to argue with my own feelings? I did go through chemo again a couple of months ago and it was the most terrible thing that has ever happened to me. It was about the third day after the treatment that I became very ill and truly believed it to be the damn end or very close to it. It took about a month to fully recover from this and I am very hesitant to go through it again although Suzanne is very worried that I am ignoring the issue and thus compounding the problem. In truth all I can say is that I am very afraid that if I go through this again I may not have the strength to bounce back and will begin a decline that may well take me beyond the veil which is not where I wish to go at this time!! Hang in there with me Suzanne my darling and I promise it will be ok!!
Well it seems that I am 100% retired now or at least for the moment. I did try going back to work with a friend but you know how these things turn out, they don't and it was short lived. I will though continue to pursue something part time as my illness allows but right now things don't look well. In-fact, there are many things in my life that are still closed off to me because of my past and sometimes it seems that the harder I try to overcome them the more they seem to taunt me. I have spent three years now "giving it time" and with this illness in my life it feels like time is something that I don't have. I cannot say that I feel really rushed to get things done but it is very frustrating now when I hit these brick walls that seem so impenetrable. I wish so badly that I could turn some things around but when I face this I understand that if things were changed I would not have the things in my life that are so dear to me now so I must continue to make the best of it and overcome the obstacles that I can and simply forget about the rest. Yea right, easier said than done!!!
Something else that has taken on a fresh new life is the story of my daughter Alisha. She did get her divorce and she has moved on but I can truly say that when she does something she does it well!!! She has since remarried and her husband Terry is as fine a man as you can come across these days. Alisha, Terry and Jack have moved to Indiana where Alisha is pursuing her masters and is now teaching as well. She is not only doing well but she is doing it at Purdue!!!! Now how can you get any better than that? Ha, you cant! My grandson Jack is growing up as well and I see a very fine young man coming into being and I have to say that as always, I am very impressed my his intelligence... He of course gets this from me and we all know this so NO wisecracks or dumbass grandpa jokes! Naw, all seems to be going real well for Alisha right now and she has launched her own literary magazine, "Revolution House" and you can find it on the web. Hell you might even want to send her a story or two and you can be sure that you are in good hands. After all, it is my child so she is of course a genius! Good luck to you Alisha and I know you will make the entire family proud in all that you do!!
Now as I close this entry out I must say thank you to my friend Jeff who, whether he knows it or not makes a big difference in my life. Its amazing how much it matters having a friend that you know you can turn to and will not let you down. Hang in there with me Jeff, I know its hard sometimes with my sarcastic attitude and my blabbering but in the end I know all will be well!!!! We do have to get together soon though one way or another as time may be indeed short and I wish our visit together to be under the very best of circumstances.
Well adios for now and may everyone enjoy every moment that life throws their way!
God bless!!!!
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